All-natural house cleaning through Satanic ritual II

Greasy Stain Remover of Hades

½ fresh lemon
1 cup baking soda
a pentagram carved from basalt

  1. Hold the offending garment in front of you at eye level. Identify the stain. With eyes closed, visualize it engulfed by a pure and eternal flame.
  2. Squeeze lemon juice onto the stain, then apply baking soda, rubbing in a counter-clockwise direction (the evil direction).
  3. Place your pentagram in the centre of the room. Facing north, stand just behind the pentagram and hold the garment at arm’s length shouting “Asaroth!”
  4. Facing west, hold the garment at arm’s length shouting “Leviathan!”
  5. Facing south, hold the garment at arm’s length shouting “Lucifer!”
  6. Facing east, hold the garment at arm’s length shouting “Bieber!”
  7. With eyes closed, visualize the demons you have invoked and the elemental energies flowing from each direction. Aloud chant, “Around me flames the star of force and fire, within my soul The Eternal One, Immortal and Infinite!”
  8. Wash as per garment instructions.

Like this? Try Satan’s glass cleaner!