Career advice for the pre-foetus

babyYour career considerations should begin well before you’re conceived. It’s important to be born to at least one parent in your desired field, preferably two. Other factors to consider are your potential parents’ projected income levels and stability. Your prospects decrease if your dad leaves your mom after she loses her cheese-sprayer job.

However, research shows that if one of your parents dies while you are between the ages of 9 and 14, you’re more likely to achieve greatness in your chosen field (this information can be difficult to obtain in advance).

Good looks and height a have significant effect on your income, so be sure to get the best genes. Unless you’re a woman, then you don’t want to be too good looking – like, pleasant but not hot enough to incite female colleagues’ jealousy … actually, you know what? Just go for male genes: less complicated, much larger salary potential.

Also: ensure you’re born into the right community! This is essential because there are a lot of communities out there that are, frankly speaking, doomed. Rich, white and Western is a classic combination, but also check out new opportunities arising in Asia. Singapore is a hot choice right now.

Finally, if you’re interested in competitive sport, decide now! It’s essential to time your conception for birth early in the calendar year, ideally January. Time this right and by the age of five, you’ll have the physical advantage of several extra months’ growing time on the other kids in your age group. This is the key to showing “early promise” and receiving the extra training, coaching and parental support required.

Don’t wait: set your career plan in place well before you’re conceived – figuring it out after is a lot harder.