Completely acceptable reasons I won’t leave the house today

It’s too hot/cold/sunny/windy/rainy/temperate.

I’ve run out of deodorant and my natural musk radius is 3 feet.

The benefits of fluorescent light are understudied.

Today’s the day I usually dig out my foot corns.

People will be able to see by my body language that I’ve been unemployed 231.5 consecutive days.

My hair’s doing that thing.

You know how many instant coffees I can make for $5.50? 27.

If I take my pyjamas off, I’ll just have to put them on again.

I’m perfectly happy with a soya sauce-zucchini sandwich.

Isn’t this the season when magpies attack?

You don’t actually need toilet paper. Newspaper works fine.

I might run into the woman who caught me barking at her dog last week.

I’ve got some really important stuff to do.